Keeping It Together for the Kids

After years of yelling and screaming, my parents finally announced the big D word. That’s right. They are getting a divorce. While a part of me felt relieved, the other part was scared. I did not know how to talk to my parents about what I was feeling. I felt angry all the time. Irritated at school, and my friends. Unknown to me, my parents were trying to keep the marriage together for years. “Keeping it together for the kids” they use to say. That was six months ago, now looking back I wonder if them staying together longer did more damage than good. Was it worth it?

As time has gone on, I’ve had some time to try to adjust to two households, two bedrooms to clean, two set of parental rules to follow. It’s been hard. Sometimes I forget my favorite pair of jeans or my textbook at Mom’s house. Forgetting I’m spending all week with Dad. Although, I’m sure I could easily go over there and pick them up, it feels silly and I don’t want to bother either of them.

Often, I find myself angry to no reason, other times I feel sad, some days I feel resentful. Wishing that maybe this was all a dream and maybe my parents would get back together. I feel lost and my life feels out of control. It’s not fair, I didn’t choose this.

While kids often ‘get over’ the divorce of their parent long before their parents do, emotionally, teens of divorce can get caught in the tide that surges between parents who struggle to coparent with one another.  This can be a huge source of stress, frustration and anger for any child in this position. Kids end up being ‘protectors’ of one or both parents and can find themselves very isolated in the meantime.

Our work together will guide you towards developing understanding and to help you process the ways in which you find yourself angry, irritable or feeling sad. Sometimes we respond to major life events in a daze and unsure how to proceed towards the future. Some individuals can even become frozen or depressed. Together we can work to find ways to reduce these uncomfortable feelings and find healthy ways in which you can cope.

I’d love the chance to help you or your teen work through the pain of divorce. Please contact us to schedule your appointment.